Adoptive Children Require Consistent Techniques
May 13, 2014
Periodically, we use this space to answer client questions that have been submitted to us. Today, Addison Cooper LCSW answers the question, “How long do you try a technique before determining if it’s successful or not?”Have you ever heard that old saying, “The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results?” It is frustrating to desire a result from your child, but which keeps eluding you. But before you go ahead and call your efforts insane, let’s look at a couple of clauses in that saying, “The same thing,” and “different results.”
The Same Thing The first thing to do is to make sure that you’re consistently implementing whatever technique it is that you’re trying to implement. Consistency is hard to achieve without intention, but it’s a necessary ingredient in any successful parenting formula. If your parenting is consistent, then the variable element in your kid’s experience is the technique you are using. If your parenting is inconsistent (and you let things go sometimes, but enforce expectations at other times), well, then the variable is you. Take a moment to assess whether you are really doing the same thing, each time, in response to your kid. Can your child depend on your response, affirmation, and redirection, or is it kind of a crapshoot?
Different Results What behaviors are you specifically hoping to see changed? What would you like to see stopped? What would you like to see started? How will you know when your goal has been achieved? For the next day (or week, or whatever), keep track of the frequency that those behaviors occur. Let these numbers be your baseline. Then, implement the technique you want to try. Be consistent. Maybe implement it for a week, only rating yourself on how consistently you’ve implemented it. Then, keep track of the target behaviors again, for another week. At the end of the week, compare your “before” and “after” results. Sometimes it can be hard to notice changes subjectively, so an objective method like this can be helpful.
Now What? If you have been relatively consistent and there wasn’t any objective change, it’s probably OK to try something else. Which experienced friends and professionals can you collaborate with to come up with a new plan of action?
A Caveat No article can speak directly into your situation. Some changes need to happen urgently. If you suspect that the safety, health, or emotional health of a child or adult is in danger, seek professional help immediately.
