Bonding with An Older Child Takes Creativity!!!

Nurture Group: What is it and How Does it Work?

02/11/2014

Lydia Tarr

Are you looking for a new way to bond with your child? A way to help your family to learn to knit together when things aren’t going as well as you had planned? One possibility is to utilize the “Nurture Group” developed for TBRI®. 

What is a nurture group? It is a way to have fun with your family while teaching the principals of regulation, playful engagement, connecting, and training. First you must establish the rules.

• Stick Together - Everyone must pay attention and participate.
   
• No Hurts - No hurting anyone physically or emotionally by actions or with words.
   
• Have Fun - This exercise is about having fun as a family and bonding together.

After everyone knows what is or is not allowed, you can begin! Checking in with the family is the next step. Ask questions such as: “How is everyone doing?”, “What is your favorite animal and why?”, or “Tell us something that no one knows about you!” are just a few to help you get started?  Pick an object from around the house that can be easily passed between family members. Explain to everyone that when they hold the object, this signifies it is their turn to speak. Try using a fun item such as a magic feather or light up wand!

Work on regulation skills as you participate. Practicing deep breathing, doing stretches or wall pushups, or utilizing pressure points such as the magic mustache (putting your index finger over your mouth as a mustache and press) are all ways to help calm down. Bubble gum is also a great way to regulate, as are weighted blankets can fidgets. Try to work on demonstrating personal space with one another. A fun way to do this is to use hula hoops, and you might find that it creates much laughter as you “over-demonstrate” personal space.

Nurture is the next part to focus on. With a stash of Band-Aids on hand, ask each person in the group if they have a physical or emotional hurt. Have the person sitting next to them put a Band-Aid on the hurt. If it is an emotional hurt, you can place in an easy spot such as the arm or heart. When asking where the hurt is, establish eye contact and speak in a gentle voice. Other ideas for caring and nurturing is to apply lotion to someone’s hands or take turns rubbing each other’s back. Now for the fun! Play a game together, make up a story, role play or do a skit about something that happened recently – show how to handle it incorrectly and then to do it the correct way. Be sure to get silly when demonstrating the bad way!

Feeding is another great way to bond as well. Select a food or candy that each person enjoys. Have them respectfully ask the other, “Can I feed you this piece of candy?” Allow each person in the group to take turns feeding and accept food from one another. This can be a lot of fun – try Lifesavers or Cheerios on a straw. You’ll see how quickly it turns into a fun game!

In closing, choose a group activity, such as a “hand hug”, which is simply taking turns squeezing hands around the circle.  Go over the topics that you covered whether it is regulation, personal space, or other situations that needed work. Restate the rules of sticking together, no hurts and having fun.

In watching the videos that Dr. Purvis had at the TBRI® training, you could see the changes in the children and how the group interacted as the Nurture Group progressed. Children that were reluctant to participate were pulled in with the “fun” and became willing to participate on some level. I have done the Nurture Group with my own family and saw how eager a group of 12-15 year olds were willing!  Has it helped? Too early to say, but given time I do believe it will!
Photo Credit:smile its shanDerived or reproduced from Trust-Based Relational Intervention® resources (Purvis & Cross, 1999-2013).
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