Yesterday we arrived at the beach in Panama City - it was absolutely amazing! The size and the awe of it is breathtaking. I took alot of time to reflect and to pray as I stared out at the ocean.
One thing that came to mind last night as I sat on the roof top deck, gazing at the stars, hearing the waves beat against the shore, and feeling the breeze on my face is how relaxing it was. I thought back to a time when I used to say my theme song was the Alabama song "I'm in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life's no fun...." and I thought about what song I would chose today...as I thought about it the song "Amazing Love" came to mind.
Today I am so mindful of God's amazing love and as I sat on the beach and watched 6 former orphans laugh, run, play and dance in the water - I was overwhelmed by it. I wish that everyone could visibly see the evidence of God's amazing love. I knew without a doubt in my mind that God was smiling as He watched the girl's play in the ocean He created. I know He delighted in watching them laugh and dance in the water. Knowing that brought me great joy and thankfully my sunglasses hid the tears of happiness that streamed down my face.
I am so thankful for God's amazing love.
Enjoy these lyrics and reflect on how much God loves you.
Amazing Love by Hillsong United
I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, you're spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, you're spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
That you my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor you
Amazing love, how can it be
That you My king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor you
In all I do I honor you
I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, you're spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Crazy Love (Overwhelmed By A Relentless GOD) by Francis Chan
This is a wonderful book!!!! It had me squirming in my seat and inspiring me to do more all at the same time! I want to read it with my family this next week while on vacation and I pray that it inspires us all to be more crazy for God!!!!!!
For a short time there is a FREE download of the audio book at http://christianaudio.com/free_download.php
I really hope you take the time to download it and I pray that it inspires you and blesses you! Be sure to pass it on - there is only a few days left!
For a short time there is a FREE download of the audio book at http://christianaudio.com/free_download.php
I really hope you take the time to download it and I pray that it inspires you and blesses you! Be sure to pass it on - there is only a few days left!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Beautiful Children's book that made me cry...
I was reading "SHAOEY AND DOT" by Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman one day (during the time I was waiting to adopt my two Ukrainian daughters) and the words in the book shook me to my core. I was so devastated I had to stop reading the book and get myself together before finishing it. Those are the words that drive me to want every child to have a mother (and father).
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the book - it is a story created about the Chapman's first adopted daughter from China (Shaohannah or Shaoey for short) and is told by a ladybug (Dot). Below are the words that brought my tears:
On their way to the place where the family was waiting Dot thought she should try to explain. "Well this is the day," she said to her friend. "Everything's getting ready to change.
"See, I've waited till now to tell you this story. It's about all the reasons you cry. Sometimes it's because you feel sick, tired, or hungry, And sometimes you just want your pants dry."
"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all. In fact, it's unlike any other. It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart that can only be filled by a mother."
These words reached deep inside me - I love my children so much, I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to a child to not have a mother's (or father's) love. It is that love I have for my children that drives me so much to want that for other children.
When I came to understand that God loved me as a father - that was so impacting to me. I was a parent and could relate to how much I loved my children and realized - WOW - God loves me like that and more....
I want children all over the world to have that love, and security from an earthly family - but even more to have that same love and security for eternity. I pray that God continues to raise up Christian's to care for the orphan - to get the message out for the sake of the children. Not only do these children have a deep empty place in their heart that can only be filled by a mother - but they have a bigger empty place in their heart that only a (Heavenly) FATHER can fill....
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the book - it is a story created about the Chapman's first adopted daughter from China (Shaohannah or Shaoey for short) and is told by a ladybug (Dot). Below are the words that brought my tears:
On their way to the place where the family was waiting Dot thought she should try to explain. "Well this is the day," she said to her friend. "Everything's getting ready to change.
"See, I've waited till now to tell you this story. It's about all the reasons you cry. Sometimes it's because you feel sick, tired, or hungry, And sometimes you just want your pants dry."
"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all. In fact, it's unlike any other. It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart that can only be filled by a mother."
These words reached deep inside me - I love my children so much, I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to a child to not have a mother's (or father's) love. It is that love I have for my children that drives me so much to want that for other children.
When I came to understand that God loved me as a father - that was so impacting to me. I was a parent and could relate to how much I loved my children and realized - WOW - God loves me like that and more....
I want children all over the world to have that love, and security from an earthly family - but even more to have that same love and security for eternity. I pray that God continues to raise up Christian's to care for the orphan - to get the message out for the sake of the children. Not only do these children have a deep empty place in their heart that can only be filled by a mother - but they have a bigger empty place in their heart that only a (Heavenly) FATHER can fill....
Thursday, July 16, 2009
What Every Child Deserves - Unfailing Love by Guest Blogger
Steppin' Heavenward
But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me. Psalm 13:5~6
Friday, March 28, 2008
Psalm 68:6~
God sets the lonely in families Psalm 68:6
The following is written by Erin Henderson HIV Adoption Coordinator for AAI and mother to 11 children. She and her husband have children from Vietnam, Korea, the U.S. and Ethiopia and have adopted two HIV+ children from AHOPE through AAI.
She has expressed so well why we too believe in adoption. At each orphanage I visited in Ethiopia I had children ask me to be their mother..or to find them a family. If you have ever had this experience it is not something you ever forget. Those eyes asking for you to "Please, choose me." will be brought into the remembrance of your heart and mind time and again.
There are those who oppose International Adoption and proclaim the loss of the culture a tragedy, I say the greater tragedy is a child growing up without a family to love ..and be loved by.
I have been thinking a lot about kids lately... kids who don't have moms (and dads)... kids waiting for moms, and what life is like for kids who do not have parents. I have been thinking about the transformation that occurs when a child realizes he has a mom, a dad, a family...security, love and somewhere to belong.
With some of our kids, that "realization" that they have a Mom and a family, that they have someone to belong to, someone to watch over them, someone to care for them and someone to love them, has been gradual. With some of our kids, there has been this "a ha!" moment, where you could just see that they "got it".
There was baby Maggie... almost four months old... laying on the bed in our hotel in Vietnam on our first full day together (I had been visiting her for days at the hospital before this point). Before her hospitalization she had lived in a government orphanage where the babies had their names written on their legs in black magic marker so they could be told apart, and got very very little personal attention. She didn't cry when she was hungry or when she wanted something. She was quiet and tiny, but I could tell she loved being held and loved the attention I was giving her.
I walked away from the bed where she was laying to get a bottle for her, and she made this teeny tiny pitiful (feeble attempt at a) cry, and I rushed over and picked her up and offered her the bottle. She got this look of amazement on her face with a little smile that seemed to say, "Holy cow! You mean that crying thing WORKS with you??" and after that she did not want anyone but me and always wanted me close. She got it. I was there for her. I was her mom.
With Mercy, she was nine years old. She had had a mom before, who did not value or respect her role as a mom. Mercy knew neglect and abuse and loss. Despite that, she came to us with an open heart and a surprising amount of trust. At one point during our first week, Des needed her hair washed (and Mercy had been the one to care for Des up until that point, even though she was only three years older). Mercy told Des to go into the bathroom so she could wash her hair, and I gently told Mercy that I could wash Des's hair, and reminded her that that was the kind of thing a Mom should do. The social worker had warned us that "letting go" of being the caregiver of Des might be hard for Mercy and we might have some power struggles over it... but Mercy looked at me and looked at Des and looked back at me and said, "You wash all the other little kids... You would wash Des's hair too?" and I said, "Yes". And she said, "And then what would I do?" and I said, "Well, you could go play." And she looked at Des again and then back at me, and then she got this huge smile on her face, and you could almost SEE her letting go of the responsibility of caring for her little sister. She ran over and gave me a hug, and then took off to play. She got it. I was there for her and for her sister. I was their mom.
With Solomon, that moment came when we left AHOPE for the second time together. We had spent two days together, and then we had gone back to AHOPE to visit. As we walked through the gate and the kids called out his name and came running to say hi to him, he sat in my arms with huge, silent tears running down his cheeks. He would not make eye contact with anyone (including me, the kids and the nannies) and just stared ahead with this heartbreaking acceptance of the fact that he thought he was being left. Again. It hurt me so much that he had come to accept this from life... that nice people came and went, but he did not truly belong to any of them. I couldn't imagine how his little heart felt and how he had endured all that he had already. I comforted him and held him close and told him over and over again in his ear that I would never, never, never leave him.
He started to relax a little the longer we were there and I stayed with him, but he was not his usual self. And then it happened. I put him in the sling, we waved good-bye, went back out through the gate and headed back up the road towards the hotel for some lunch. He got this HUGE grin on his face, and was bouncing up and down in the sling laughing, and then grabbing my face and kissing it over and over as we walked. He was so happy and joyful. He got it. He was not going to be left again. I was HIS. He was mine. I was his Mom.
Since then I have watched him blossom with love. I have watched him learn how to expect and look forward to being held often, comforted when he cries, rocked to sleep, having his needs met, getting individual attention and being smothered in hugs and kisses often. As I crawled into bed last night, a few hours after I had put him down to sleep, his little body turned towards me, and without waking up, he put his arm on me, snuggled in close and let out a content sigh.
All kids deserve that knowledge, that peace and that comfort. All kids deserve to know that they are loved and that they belong to someone.
I believe with all my heart that our Heavenly Father did not send us down here to go at life alone, to worry about ourselves and to focus our lives on material and trivial things. I believe with all my heart that we are meant to live in families... mothers, fathers and children together, focusing our lives on loving, enjoying and serving each other.
We have several reasons to believe that Solomon most likely spent very little (if any) time with his first mother. And yet even after multiple changes in caregivers and "homes", multiple losses and lots of suffering without a mom to comfort him, he KNEW what a Mom was for from our very first days together. His heart and soul reached out to mine and grabbed on firmly. He knew that he wanted a mom. He knew that hugs, kisses and rock-a-byes were something he wanted, deserved and needed. The other kids we met in Ethiopia knew it too. They knew that they belonged with parents. They knew that something big was missing from their lives.
My heart rejoices for my kids and others that have had their lives changed so drastically...who were once alone, and now live with love, security and family. Watching Solomon over the past few weeks has reminded me of what an incredible miracle adoption is.
And at the same time, my heart aches for the so very many kids who are living life alone right now. . Even the very best orphanage is no comparison to a home and family. It is wrong that these kids must wait and yearn for a family. They deserve, as all children do, the peace and security that comes with the knowledge of knowing that they belong to someone, that they are being cared for and that they are loved.
This is why I support adoption...because I have seen the sadness in the eyes of the children who wait for moms, I have seen the amazing transformation in children once they have been "claimed" and loved, and because I believe, with all my heart, that that love and belonging is what our lives on this Earth are supposed to be about.
But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me. Psalm 13:5~6
Friday, March 28, 2008
Psalm 68:6~
God sets the lonely in families Psalm 68:6
The following is written by Erin Henderson HIV Adoption Coordinator for AAI and mother to 11 children. She and her husband have children from Vietnam, Korea, the U.S. and Ethiopia and have adopted two HIV+ children from AHOPE through AAI.
She has expressed so well why we too believe in adoption. At each orphanage I visited in Ethiopia I had children ask me to be their mother..or to find them a family. If you have ever had this experience it is not something you ever forget. Those eyes asking for you to "Please, choose me." will be brought into the remembrance of your heart and mind time and again.
There are those who oppose International Adoption and proclaim the loss of the culture a tragedy, I say the greater tragedy is a child growing up without a family to love ..and be loved by.
I have been thinking a lot about kids lately... kids who don't have moms (and dads)... kids waiting for moms, and what life is like for kids who do not have parents. I have been thinking about the transformation that occurs when a child realizes he has a mom, a dad, a family...security, love and somewhere to belong.
With some of our kids, that "realization" that they have a Mom and a family, that they have someone to belong to, someone to watch over them, someone to care for them and someone to love them, has been gradual. With some of our kids, there has been this "a ha!" moment, where you could just see that they "got it".
There was baby Maggie... almost four months old... laying on the bed in our hotel in Vietnam on our first full day together (I had been visiting her for days at the hospital before this point). Before her hospitalization she had lived in a government orphanage where the babies had their names written on their legs in black magic marker so they could be told apart, and got very very little personal attention. She didn't cry when she was hungry or when she wanted something. She was quiet and tiny, but I could tell she loved being held and loved the attention I was giving her.
I walked away from the bed where she was laying to get a bottle for her, and she made this teeny tiny pitiful (feeble attempt at a) cry, and I rushed over and picked her up and offered her the bottle. She got this look of amazement on her face with a little smile that seemed to say, "Holy cow! You mean that crying thing WORKS with you??" and after that she did not want anyone but me and always wanted me close. She got it. I was there for her. I was her mom.
With Mercy, she was nine years old. She had had a mom before, who did not value or respect her role as a mom. Mercy knew neglect and abuse and loss. Despite that, she came to us with an open heart and a surprising amount of trust. At one point during our first week, Des needed her hair washed (and Mercy had been the one to care for Des up until that point, even though she was only three years older). Mercy told Des to go into the bathroom so she could wash her hair, and I gently told Mercy that I could wash Des's hair, and reminded her that that was the kind of thing a Mom should do. The social worker had warned us that "letting go" of being the caregiver of Des might be hard for Mercy and we might have some power struggles over it... but Mercy looked at me and looked at Des and looked back at me and said, "You wash all the other little kids... You would wash Des's hair too?" and I said, "Yes". And she said, "And then what would I do?" and I said, "Well, you could go play." And she looked at Des again and then back at me, and then she got this huge smile on her face, and you could almost SEE her letting go of the responsibility of caring for her little sister. She ran over and gave me a hug, and then took off to play. She got it. I was there for her and for her sister. I was their mom.
With Solomon, that moment came when we left AHOPE for the second time together. We had spent two days together, and then we had gone back to AHOPE to visit. As we walked through the gate and the kids called out his name and came running to say hi to him, he sat in my arms with huge, silent tears running down his cheeks. He would not make eye contact with anyone (including me, the kids and the nannies) and just stared ahead with this heartbreaking acceptance of the fact that he thought he was being left. Again. It hurt me so much that he had come to accept this from life... that nice people came and went, but he did not truly belong to any of them. I couldn't imagine how his little heart felt and how he had endured all that he had already. I comforted him and held him close and told him over and over again in his ear that I would never, never, never leave him.
He started to relax a little the longer we were there and I stayed with him, but he was not his usual self. And then it happened. I put him in the sling, we waved good-bye, went back out through the gate and headed back up the road towards the hotel for some lunch. He got this HUGE grin on his face, and was bouncing up and down in the sling laughing, and then grabbing my face and kissing it over and over as we walked. He was so happy and joyful. He got it. He was not going to be left again. I was HIS. He was mine. I was his Mom.
Since then I have watched him blossom with love. I have watched him learn how to expect and look forward to being held often, comforted when he cries, rocked to sleep, having his needs met, getting individual attention and being smothered in hugs and kisses often. As I crawled into bed last night, a few hours after I had put him down to sleep, his little body turned towards me, and without waking up, he put his arm on me, snuggled in close and let out a content sigh.
All kids deserve that knowledge, that peace and that comfort. All kids deserve to know that they are loved and that they belong to someone.
I believe with all my heart that our Heavenly Father did not send us down here to go at life alone, to worry about ourselves and to focus our lives on material and trivial things. I believe with all my heart that we are meant to live in families... mothers, fathers and children together, focusing our lives on loving, enjoying and serving each other.
We have several reasons to believe that Solomon most likely spent very little (if any) time with his first mother. And yet even after multiple changes in caregivers and "homes", multiple losses and lots of suffering without a mom to comfort him, he KNEW what a Mom was for from our very first days together. His heart and soul reached out to mine and grabbed on firmly. He knew that he wanted a mom. He knew that hugs, kisses and rock-a-byes were something he wanted, deserved and needed. The other kids we met in Ethiopia knew it too. They knew that they belonged with parents. They knew that something big was missing from their lives.
My heart rejoices for my kids and others that have had their lives changed so drastically...who were once alone, and now live with love, security and family. Watching Solomon over the past few weeks has reminded me of what an incredible miracle adoption is.
And at the same time, my heart aches for the so very many kids who are living life alone right now. . Even the very best orphanage is no comparison to a home and family. It is wrong that these kids must wait and yearn for a family. They deserve, as all children do, the peace and security that comes with the knowledge of knowing that they belong to someone, that they are being cared for and that they are loved.
This is why I support adoption...because I have seen the sadness in the eyes of the children who wait for moms, I have seen the amazing transformation in children once they have been "claimed" and loved, and because I believe, with all my heart, that that love and belonging is what our lives on this Earth are supposed to be about.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
From Dreams to Reality
Today is a hard day. I will watch as 13 children prepare to go back to their orphanage, I will see them fight for composure, some will have stone faces as my Katelyn did, and some will cry and cling to their family. Families will struggle with the emotions,trying to hold it together until the children are out of sight. That in itself is hard enough - but today I will put a child that is close to my heart on that airplane and back to a life in the orphanage, not knowing what his future holds and that is the hard part.
Our little guy, V, said that being here was like a dream that he could have never imagined. My heart breaks as I have to send him back to reality. The reality of feeling like no one special, of being picked on by the older kids and made fun of. I hope while he was here, he felt the love of Jesus. I tried to love him as my own, and I did with all of my heart. I want him to know that there is someone in this world that loves him and cares for him.
Last night we were not able to maintain our emotions. I was packing V's suitcase and put in his blanket we gave him. I began to think about him being cold and having no one to snuggle with - which he loves. About being sick like he was yesterday and having no one to hold him. And I went to my bathroom and sobbed, crying out to God. Then my 4 girls came in and tried to comfort me and they too began to cry. Their hearts are broken for this precious boy. They have been so good to him - and all of them love him and want him to stay. I can't imagine what today will be like.
When V saw us crying - he was hugging all of us and trying to comfort us, telling us - "It's okay, It's okay." Quite honestly it isn't. I don't know that my heart will ever get over having to send him back and not knowing if he will have a family. At church Sunday, I was praying for him and couldn't stop crying. The one's that were comforting me were the kids that I had helped find families. The irony that I was being comforted by ones that I helped and that I was crying over one that I had not helped only made me cry more.
I am washing the last of his clothes and as I put them in the laundry I wondered if he would get to keep any of the clothes that the girls and I so lovingly picked out. Or keep any of the gifts that we gave him and he delighted in - or would they all be stripped away by older boys? For a moment I clung to the fact that he would have the love we gave him and he would be able to hold on to that - but then it hit me, HOW LONG UNTIL THAT IS STRIPPED AWAY? How long will he feel our love before the reality strips it all away? At what point will he stop feeling our love? At what point does the pain erase it all?
For now - all I can do is to love him and continue to offer him up to God. I know that God loves him even more than I do. I pray that God keeps him safe and protects him from all the hardness of this world. I hope he always has a song to sing. a hug to give and a smile on his face, as we know him. With a heart that is broken, I will pray..........trusting God for his life and praying that he will find the dream again.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Response to the opportunity to adopt children from the USA.
Today I received an email with the message below about the opportunity to adopt children here in Indiana. As families begin to share that they are adopting from Ukraine (or other countries), they will inevitably hear the well meaning information about children available in Indiana or in the USA. Funny thing is, it almost always comes from someone that has never adopted or considered adopting from anywhere. My response is below.
Our friend Karen is a child advocate/ attorney thru the State. She shares some info about adoption many of us may not know. I am sure she would be happy to point any interested in the right direction. Thanks Karen! ( this is a reply from the earlier one about the kids from the Ukraine who are being hosted)
Please remember that there are many children in Indiana who are wards of the State and need adopting. There is no cost, and there is training, and often there is adoption assistance for the legal expenses and per diem.
Karen B of FMCC
My thoughts are that God leads us to where our children are - just as He takes missionaries all over the world and there are obviously needy and unsaved people here. As for the money - it is all God's and if He chooses we pay a ransom for the lives of these children - then He will provide. All children, all over the world are equally deserving of a family - as Christians we trust God to lead us to them.
Our friend Karen is a child advocate/ attorney thru the State. She shares some info about adoption many of us may not know. I am sure she would be happy to point any interested in the right direction. Thanks Karen! ( this is a reply from the earlier one about the kids from the Ukraine who are being hosted)
Please remember that there are many children in Indiana who are wards of the State and need adopting. There is no cost, and there is training, and often there is adoption assistance for the legal expenses and per diem.
Karen B of FMCC
My thoughts are that God leads us to where our children are - just as He takes missionaries all over the world and there are obviously needy and unsaved people here. As for the money - it is all God's and if He chooses we pay a ransom for the lives of these children - then He will provide. All children, all over the world are equally deserving of a family - as Christians we trust God to lead us to them.
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